My Addiction

I am addicted to sugar. Cakes, cookies, pastries. I would drive 30 minutes for a certain cookie at a bakery in another town. That cookie loomed so huge in my mind that I had to have it. Had to make that drive. But here’s the thing. I couldn’t eat just one. No, not possible. So I would buy several to save for “later”.

It didn’t help that I lived in places with amazing bakeries, home made everything at its best. And when I travelled to Paris, Germany or Switzerland, well, I HAD to try everything. Who knows when you’ll ever be able to taste anything like those beautiful cakes again? Fortunately, pastries in those countries are not so sweet and one does lots of walking so I didn’t gain weight, but what was happening inside my body?

I think it began when I was young. My parents came to the United States after the war, leaving relatives and friends behind. Our family was small to begin with but leaving made it even smaller. When we went back to Germany to visit my grandparents, it felt like coming home. Every afternoon, Oma would put a tablecloth on her little round table, make hot steaming fresh coffee, whip up a batch of cream, and send me to the bakery to buy “kuchen”, cakes. Then we would sit around that little table, tell stories, eat cake topped with lots of whipped cream, giggle and laugh and love each other. It’s one of my favorite memories of her. She also took me to the famous bakeries in the city. Ladies dressed in their finest furs and wearing jewelry, sitting at tiny tables sipping coffee and eating cake. It was magical, beautiful and I loved every moment of this glamorous afternoon tradition.

Upon returning home, my mother found a Jewish delicatessen that was famous for its food and pastries. On Saturdays, after getting household chores done, we would go to the deli, stand in front of the cakes and pastries and make our purchase. My mother, too, was reliving her time in Germany with her family. Looking back, I think the sweetness of our memories made us want to add sweetness to our lives in the form of pastries and traditions.

Recently, I was with a group of women for our monthly potluck supper. Naturally, I baked a cake to bring. It was a very large layer cake and was heavy, filled with so many apples and nuts and topped with a thick creamy vanilla frosting. We sat around after the meal and started eating the cake, talking, eating another little sliver, discussing sugar and how we all like it so much…taking another sliver of cake…talking, and when the sun set the cake was gone. Our little group had eaten the whole thing!

What really surprised me, was that these women also admitted to be “addicted” to sugar. Although we try to make smart choices it’s difficult when we live in a culture that has put sugar in almost every product we use, from toothpaste to ketchup. Even water now has to be flavored in order for people to hydrate. It’s no wonder we have been lured into craving sweet things.

Before this dinner with my lady friends, I had promised myself to not eat any sugar or pastries for 14 days. Anyone can do something for 14 days, right? I gave myself a pink heart on the calendar for each day. After the 14 days were over, I decided to try another 14 days. I felt so good, eating protein and home cooked meals and fruit for dessert. After a month, I allowed myself to buy one apple fritter on Saturday morning from my favorite French restaurant. Since I was in the neighborhood, I stopped at the farmers’ market for one of my for a Bourbon Chocolate Chunk cookie. Here’s what happened: The cookie tasted SO SWEET I had one bite and couldn’t eat it. No, I didn’t go back to eating sweets. I learned that one good treat from the French restaurant is enough. And now my cravings are for vegetables, protein and fruits, foods that nourish body, mind and spirit.

So maybe the word “addicted” is too strong. I guess we all have to make that decision for ourselves. I love, love, love to bake, but I am keenly aware of recipes that call for a lot of sugar and usually adjust the amount. After a taste, I give away what I bake. And I’m working on another cookbook. I’m not going to let my passion for creating in the kitchen stop me from baking and sharing.

Life is about moderation, quality and wise choices. I want that pink heart on my calendar!